So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
