I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We left an ass print on the piano.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize