I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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