I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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