I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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