Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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