Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
