Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
