I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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