You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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