Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
