It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
