yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
