when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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