Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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