Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
