She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
