There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
