I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
