shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
