Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
