Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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