I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize