Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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