I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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