it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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