This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
