I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
