Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
