i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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