my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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