i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
