party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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