Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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