we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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