Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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