at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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