Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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