I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
