Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
