you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
either way he was missing a nipple.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
