He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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