She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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