Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
