Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
