Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
