Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
