So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
