I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize