Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
