If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
