Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
