omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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