I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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