I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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