I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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