Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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