Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
