Screwed.edu
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vagina is officially offended.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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