My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize