let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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