Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
