I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
