I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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