i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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