I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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