I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
